April 24, 2013

On things the government did right in events leading up to the Boston Marathon bombing…

The welfare program worked as one would hope because it helped the alleged terrorists get on their feet and feel deep gratitude to American taxpayers. Wait, nope, sorry, didn't do that. They didn't apparently have any appreciation for the welfare payments they received.

The immigration law. I mean, let's be honest, the immigration law successfully helped these alleged jihadists assimilate into the great American family. No. That actually didn't happen. That's not entirely accurate. They became citizens, but that didn't matter. They actually ended up not assimilating.

Well, one thing's for sure. When the older brother traveled abroad and the Russian government repeatedly warned us that he was a dangerous guy, our Homeland Security officials, they ran with that information and... what? It was ignored? Oh. Okay, strike that.

Okay. Well, our schools, universities engaged these two men, inspired them to appreciate the opportunities in this country, inspired them to appreciate the greatness, the uniqueness of our Constitution and free markets. No, that didn't happen, either.

Well, how about this. We can all agree, we can all agree, folks, that strict gun laws and laws against bombs in public places kept the public safe. Ah, that didn't happen, either, sorry. I'm trying to find silver linings. I'm trying to look at successful things the government's done.