Pondering the message of the brave, stubborn soul in the car ahead of me, I considered all the things I could be thankful for as a result of the Clinton-Gore regime. Indeed, I discovered the list was long and varied. So, to my friend who has not yet discovered a razor blade and Goo-Be-Gone, I offer a hearty "Thank you!" for the following:

Thank you for reminding us that the government that gave us the Internal Revenue Service and welfare also lusts for control of the greatest healthcare system in the world.

Thank you for reminding us that the FBI, who has a file on millions of Americans, including myself, can give those files to people powerful enough to demand them.

Thank you for introducing us to Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski and about two dozen other names that we might not have met and known otherwise.

Thank you for allowing a war hero and the author of one of the most successful military campaigns in military history to leave the presidency; because, no matter how successful he was, we, in all our moral outrage, just wouldn't tolerate someone who would lie to the American people by promising "no new taxes" and then going back on his word. We certainly can't have a liar in the White House, now can we?

Thank you for giving us a president who discusses his choice of underwear with teenagers. We always wondered if presidents wore boxers or briefs.

Thank you for installing a man who reminds us of those good old days of pot smoking (without inhaling, of course) and war protesting.

Thank you for showing us that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag the Dog," could really be plausible after all.

Thank you for showing us the truly horrifying dangers of cloning someone's DNA. (After this is all over, BURN the blue cocktail dress... Please!).

Thank you for showing all the men and women in America that sexual harassment in the workplace, and on the job, is okay as long as it involves powerful middle-age executives and the young women half their age under their power. It is, after all, a "private matter."

Thank you for revealing that the agenda of the National Organization of Women only includes some women. Women like Anita Hill and not women like Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski, et. al.

Thank you for allowing us to come to the realization that "sexual relations" is not clearly defined after all. And all these years, I thought that "oral sex" really had something to do with sex. Imagine! Or is it oral sex when you talk about it...?

Thank you for re-introducing the concept of "impeachment" to a new generation that missed the discussion surrounding it the last time it was brought up.

Thank you for curing me of my addiction to the evening news.

Thank you for reminding us that, when all is said and done, character really, really, does matter. And, in comparison to recent days:

Thank you for making Dan Quayle look like the Rhodes Scholar.

Thank you for making Jimmy Carter look competent. Thank you for making Gerald Ford look graceful.

Thank you for making Richard Nixon look honest. Thank you for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful.

Thank you for making John Kennedy look moral. Thank you for making Al Gore look positively presidential.

Thank you for reminding us of the importance of term limits.

And really, thank you not once but twice! Why, if not for you, instead of the current, interesting discussion all over the television networks and newspapers, we would be focused on a whole slew of trivial matters such as global defense, the economy, nukes in North Korea, genocide in Africa, the containment of terrorism, and all those other boring topics.

So, thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, and if you voted for Ross Perot, thank you, too. You deserve just as much of the credit as my friend with the bumper sticker.

Since Bill Clinton took office, here are some of the good things that have happened:

72 House and Senate witnesses have plead the fifth.

17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid testifying.

19 foreign witnesses have refused to be interviewed by US investigative bodies.

19 charges from Whitewater investigations.

14 convictions from Whitewater investigations.

8 imprisonments from Whitewater investigations.

55 total charges in all Clinton scandals.

32 total convictions (so far) in all Clinton scandals.

14 total imprisonments (so far) in all Clinton scandals.

938 overnight stays at Whitehouse for Clinton supporters.

62 House of Representative seats that have changed from Democrat to Republican.

12 Senate seats that have changed from Democrat to Republican.

13 Governorships that have changed from Democrat to Republican.

1,200 state legislative seats that have changed from Democrat to Republican.

353 elected Democrats who have switched parties since Clinton took office.

Yes, it's been an interesting 6 years for "the most ethical administration in the history of the Republic". But then ...everybody knows it's all the fault of the "vast right-wing conspiracy".

Go figure!

(Written by an Episcopalian Minister in Georgia)