The Original Version:
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies
for the winter. The grasshopper thinks heís a fool and laughs
and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
out in the cold.
The New Liberal Version:
It starts out the same, but when
winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and
well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show
up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film
of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp
contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this
poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative
of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green
Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with "Green
Bias" and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim
of 30 million years of ìgreenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings ìItís
Not Easy Being Green.
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a
special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News and tell a concerned
Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper
who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited
unfairly during the Reagan Summers, or as Bill refers to it, the
'Temperatures of the 80's. Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview
with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the "back
of the grasshopper," and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic
Equality and Anti-Greenism Act," retroactive to the beginning
of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to
represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant,
and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill
appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only
hear cases on Thursday afternoon between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there
are no talk shows scheduled.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper
finishing up the last bits of the antís food while the government
house he's in - which just happens to be the ant's old house - crumbles
around him since he does not know how to maintain it. The ant has
disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought
by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton
standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing
a new era of "Fairness" has dawned in America.
UPDATE...
I am the author of the above. Rush
is an old friend of mine from his days at WIXZ in McKeesport, PA.
I'm honored.
Jim Quinn
WRRK-FM / Pittsburgh, PA
www.warroom.com
